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Drakontas
King of Dragons
Age: 15
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
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 Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 4:23 pm Post subject: Pokemon, Fighting Dreamers 1: Andy's Revenge |
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Here is the new FanFic we discussed in the "Who Would?" topic.
Edit: This prologue has a few typos, but after the prologue, all my other chapters are done on word. Thank you. And after the first few chapters, I make the dialogue more understandable by establishing who's doing the talking.
Disclaimer: This is a PG-13 story:
For strong language and swearing.
For strong violence.
For scary situations.
Notice: I do not own or am affiliated with Pokemon, GameFreak, or Nintendo trademarks.
I made a very long prologue, it sort of leaves you hanging, because I only wrote about stuff that won't be explained directly in the story.
Other stuff, like character descriptions, and everything will be shown drectly in the story, this is just to explain some stuff you might need to know before the story begins.
| Quote: | Pokemon, Fighting Dreamers 1: Andy's Revenge
Prologue
Bright ribbons of radiant sunlight streaked across the cloudless blue sky, announcing the fresh start of a new summer day in the region of Kanto. And in the neighboring country, the Sevii Islands.
The Sevii Islands were a series of nine little keys just off the coast of Kanto. All were named individually, and all were populated.
They were, from the first to the ninth, Knot Island, Boon Island, Kin Island, Floe Island, Chrono Island, Fortune Island, Quest Island, Navel Rock, and, where our story begins, Birth Island.
Here, as a crisp, cool breeze passes through a lush green forest, the sound of a rushing river can be heard nearby.
In a clearing in the forest is a log cabin, small, cozy, a front porch with a chair on it. It had few windows, and a brick chimney on it's slanted roof. Quite normal, but secluded.
The front door opened and a man barged out. He was extremely tall, slightly darkened skin, shadowy green eyes, very short blonde hair. He wore a set of grey boots and dark black pants. He wore a dark black shirt, and a cap, black, grey brim, with a bright red capital R etched on it. He was Thomas Platt.
Behind him came a woman, shorter, young, and beautiful. Her face was flawless, so were her dashing blue eyes and flaming red hair, shoulder length. Brittany Platt, Thomas' wife. She wore a short dress with a flowered pattern on it, but her image of beauty did have a single flaw-
the look of worry on her face as a single tear rolled down her cheek.
The couple began to argue, Thomas' back turned on his wife, Brittany Platt. She spoke first, in her clear voice.
"I'm sick and tired of moving around all the time because you're an outlaw! Tom, I-"
She was cut off by Thomas, who spoke, still with his back turned to her.
"I told you, we won't need to move from he-"
"Why?! Because it's secluded?! We can't live like this! This is not life for your two children! They won't respect a father who is a member of Team Rocket!"
"I....I....if I quit, they'll kill me! You know it! When we married, you knew-"
"But you said you would change your ways! You leave for days, only to come back with spilled blood on your slate, stolen money! You can't leave us again, just don't leave anymore!"
"If I quit, they'll find us wherever we go!"
He sighed, and walked off into the forest, out of sight.
A tall slim boy of seventeen walked out of the cabin, wearing beige pants, a white shirt, and an orange buttoned shirt over it, he had his mother's bright red hair. He was Trevor Platt, oldest of the two Platt children, the other one being only nine years old, and nowhere in sight.
"Mom, what happened?"
"Oh, it's n-"
"Dad left with Team Rocket again, didn't he?"
Brittany began to weep. She pulled herself together and wiped her tears.
"It's OK...."
"Mom, have you seen Andy?"
"No, I-"
She was cut off by a loud scream in the distance.
"Mom! Trevor! Mom!"
Trevor and Brittany looked at each other, and wasted no time in running towards the screams, as they neared the river, the screams got louder.
"Mom! Trevor! Trevor! Mom!!!"
They reached a rocky part of the river, where they found the small, slim boy wearing red, with black shorts, and blonde hair, already starting to get the red from his mom's hair. His candid green eyes met with Brittany, then Trevor came, panting.
"Andy, are you OK?"
Brittany got up close to him.
"Andy, Andy!"
He looked up at her, a distant look in his eyes.
She shook him.
"Anderson Platt! Are you alright?! Are you hurt?!"
He shook his head, then pointed to the bank of the river.
A female Furret lay there, soaked, unconcious.
Trevor gasped. Brittany got up and looked at it.
"Is it? No, it's breathing."
She looked at it, then said, "Poor thing, let's take it home and dry it."
Trevor took off his top shirt and wrapped the Furret in it.
*************************************************************
They all stood on the porch, looking worriedly at the brown striped Pokemon who rested in a towel, on a chair. It began to stir.
Andy kneeled beside it as it opened it's big blue eyes, which stared into Andy's own.
Anderson Platt woke up with a start, to find himself on a mat with a small quilt, in the corner of a dark room with one window, the only light coming from a digital watch that struck midnight.
He had just had a dream about his past, one of the many dreams he had about his past, then he remembered his long dead Furret, and tried not to cry as he fell back asleep, coming back to his world of dreams.
They were inside the cabin, small, and simple. One room. The bathroom was outside. Beds in a corner, a back door with the sink and stove beside it, and a simple living room with one couch. It was one month since the kids had convinced her to let them keep the Furret. It left often, and was well behaved.
Brittany sat on a stool by a window, looking out, sighing. Wondering what evil her husband was being forced to do for Team Rocket.
Trevor was outside, but Andy came, looking worried.
"Mom, Furret has not come for a few days now."
She patted his blonde hair gently,
"I'm sure she's OK, honey. Go look for your brother."
The little boy walked outside.
*************************************************************
The sun was going down, and Brittany had no longer seen her sons, she walked outside to look for them, and found them both on the porch, looking astonishingly at the Furret, who was clearly back.
"Mom, look!"
She walked over to the Furret, who lay there, then moved aside to reveal a whole litter of baby Sentret.
"Oh, they're so adorable!"
Her sons began to say what she expected them to.
"Can we-"
"What? Keep them?"
"Yes! Please!"
"Well..."
"Mom!"
"Ok." she laughed, anything to distract herself and her sons from the life of seclusion they lived in this forest.
Andy stirred in his mat. He continued to dream.
Trevor sat asleep on a seat in the porch, Brittany stood by the rail, watching Andy play with one of the baby Sentret, one who had become especially attached to Andy, and the only one who had not taken to the forest yet.
The Furret sniffed, then gave a little squeal. The Sentret got up on its tail, its ears and nose twitching.
This made Brittany uneasy, she knew Sentret were natural sensors of danger. (Look at any PokeDex entry, readers.)
Furret and Sentret ran into the forest.
As the sun began to set, Brittany saw smoke in the distance, and heard some peculiar howling sounds.
She brought her children in, either she was nervous, or she had the bad feeling that something could happen tonight.
A horrible hooting was heard at the back door, and scratching.
She opened the door to see Furret and Sentret. In the distance, she saw fire, glowing on the trees in the night.
"We're going to town, kids, just come on."
Trevor looked startled. He got up and called Andy.
They were startled by someone in the front door. It opened.
It was Thomas, in his rocket suit, breathing hard. He spoke between pants.
"Team Rocket....attacking town....I said no, I quit...they...run...run...."
Furret and Sentret ran out the door between the man's legs, squealing.
Thomas said again, "Run, take the kids....and run..they...coming....coming....Giovanni is here......run....run!"
He fell to the floor, revealing two bullet wounds on his broad back.
"Thomas!"
"Dad!"
"Dad!!!"
They ran out the door, running like the wind towards town, just before a major explosion was heard, and the cabin burst into flames.
Small Pokemon scattered in their running wake.
They stopped, chests heaving, all there was forward was more and more forest to cover before reaching town.
Flames shot through the air, and three houndoom appeared on the scene, breathing fire.
Four rockets stood there, and a man behind them, who was dressed completely in black. His dark hair slicked back. He examined them with a gaze that seemed to penetrate them, then gave a smirk.
"So, this is the family of that traitor, Platt?" he said in a cunning voice.
Brittany looked at her sons.
"Run, Trevor, run with Andy, run!"
Trevor held on to Andy's grip and they ran.
Brittany ran behind them, then she tripped on the root of a tree.
"I've got you now..." said the creepy voice of Giovanni, as one of the rockets cocked a rifle.
A loud shot was heard, Trevor grimaced, Andy cried. Trevor moaned as he saw what had happened.
There lay Furret, sprawled across the ground, a nasty wound on it's neck.
Brittany got up and ran with her sons, Furret ran, with Sentret, appearing out of nowhere, behind her.
They ran and ran, a gunshot was heard, Trevor and Andy kept on running, as they reached town, they looked back to find that their om was no longer running nearby.
Another gunshot was heard, then a scream. Brittany Platt was dead.
They ran, then they hid in an alley. Furret and Sentret were there, cowering in a corner.
Another group of rockets came, and looked hungrily at this group of cowering youngsters.
One of them aimed a small revolver at Andy's head. Andy grimaced.
A loud crack was heard, the Rocket gave a howl of pain, Trevor punched hard.
But as they ran a shot was heard, Trevor stopped in his tracks as blood spilled from the back of his head, and the front of his forehead.
"Andy..."
He began to fall. More shots were heard, many, many more. Trevor's dead body was being mutilated further by half a dozen gunshots.
As the rockets gave a roar of laughter, Furret and Sentret ran to Andy, who in turn, picked them up and ran.
The town was on fire, Andy did not know where to run. He saw the open garage of the police station. He ran there.
A string wass in the entrance, which Andy pulled, closing the garage to avoid further harm.
He let himself fall and began to weep. Furret began to squeak, Andy held on to it and looked into those solemn eyes.
"Furret......"
Furret was agonizing, it nudged its baby Senret, then nudged Andy.
"Don't worry, I'll protect Sentret no matter what...I swear."
Furret gave a squeak of gratitude, then it's pupils dilated. It's eyes stared blankly at nothing.
Andy let go, then cuddled up to the little male Sentret, who seemed to be aware of what was going on. An officer Jenny came out from a door at the end of the garage, and stared at the little boy holding the baby Sentret.
Andy woke up, gasping. He looked around. He did not need to be reminded of what went on after the death of his family.
He had been helped by the officer, after town had been fixed up, he had been put in an orphanage, along with other homeless kids, who, too, had lost families when Team Rocket had taken its toll.
Then, an old man had adopted him, Amin Carter. A short, fat man with graying hair and teeth. He made Andy work loads and always came home drunk, insulting Andy to no end. Andy was now fourteen.
Andy heard some tapping at his window. He knew who it was before he looked into the window.
It was his sixteen year old friend, Rick Simmons, a tall, brown haired, hot headed boy who wore a red shirt and brown shorts. When Andy had been adopted, old man Amin did not want Sentret in the house, Rick was taking care of it. The only other Pokemon he had was his shiny Zangoose, due to the fact that he only liked rare Pokemon.
Andy opened the window.
"Hey, little buddy." said Rick in his sly voice. "How's it going?"
"The usual." sighed Andy, before Rick asked his usual question.
"I've told you many, many times, Platt. You need to get away from this hell, I'm a skilled trainer, I can travel with you, away from here. Besides, you've always wanted revenge on those rockets."
Andy flinched at the mention of Team Rocket.
"I already told you, no. Why don't you travel if you're such a good trainer?"
"I'm waiting for you to make up your puny mind, little buddy!"
Andy did not like the idea, though he wished he were courageous enough to accept.
"So..how's Sentret?"
"Aw, you know he's good, don't change the subject on me, kid."
Andy laughed.
He walked out to meet his friend, only to find Amin sitting by the front door, unsconsious, drooling, wasted again.
Andy sighed. He shook his head as he passed over the man's body. He was glad that at least he had never laid a hand on him.
He walked out, over Amin's body, to see Rick. |
_________________
| Chatango wrote: | PlanetDS: I'm not really a fan of dragon-types.
PlanetDS: My favorite type is steel, because of who's in it.
Drakomaster: Metagross? Registeel?
Drakomaster: Bronzong?
PlanetDS: Yeah...
PlanetDS: Magnezone.. |
Last edited by Drakontas on Sat Sep 05, 2009 9:18 pm; edited 8 times in total |
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AABM
Life Aural
Age: 19
Joined: 28 Apr 2008
Posts: 377
Location: Anywhere but here.
18508 Galaxy Coins
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| Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 5:00 pm Post subject: |
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And I thought that POL's prologue was long, not only this one is long, but it is also pretty exciting at that!
I love to know the past of the characters in a story, and when the prologue is used especially for that, the story has all it needs to flow further in a neat, cool way.
Talk about a cool way of writing, yours is certainly pretty nice, you put some serious amount o' details on how do the characters look like, clothing, hairstyle and colour of skin, everything seems right in it's place. You have done good.
However, I have a tip for ya; Write your story in a word processor so you snatch all the typos away, ok?
Anyways, I can just imagine what is going to happen next, starting from the Sevii Islands was quite brilliant an idea, 'cause now you have a myriad of different Islands to visit before they arrive to solid land.
Oh, and remember something! You know that some islader pkmn DO have different colours, like in the Orange Islands, so it'd be neat to see some o' those around... the Sevii are Islands after all, y'kno'.
Well, I hope to see some other new stuff here soon and... like Confusio said: "Let's see what tomorrow leaves".
*Watches this topic for replies and heads off to resume his stories*
_________________
~ Figuratively shiny, ain't I right?
· Thanks for the awesome signature, Cebolla.
| Quote: | Platinum FC: 4039-3630-3491 - Lazaro.
Mario Kart FC: 348104-789694 - AABM.
PMD2 Explorers of Darkness FC: 1161-8696-4177 - Equipo Buscadores.
Heart Gold FC: 2965 7786 8397 - Teresa. |
· Victory in Pokémon, metagame-wise, takes 49% Skill and 51% Luck.
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Drakontas
King of Dragons
Age: 15
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Posts: 1041
Location: Waiting for HG/SS
12485 Galaxy Coins
0 Warnings
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| Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 11:59 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you for the excellent comments, AABM. And advice. Here's the first chapter of the story, which still leaves you hanging a bit, but I oubt there are many questions so far. This is sort of the start of Andy's passion for battling. (Done on MicroSoft word.)
| Quote: | Chapter 1: The dark start
The house where Andy and Amin Carter lived was a little house of wooden clapboard, with many large windows, and just a front door. Upon entering, there was a messy little living room, with a single couch and a small stool. Trash littered it, giving it an awkward feel. A shelf seperated it from the kitchen, it held anything Amin happened to find interesting or amusing. There was a couple of pornographic magazines, an old bottle of whiskey, a small box with a few chocolates and nuts, a knife, and an empty ashtray, the only clean thing in the house besides Andy's room. There was also a window by the shelf.
The kitchen contained but a gas powered stove, a sink, and a simple table, round, three seats, littered with dishes. There was a small pantry there, that did not contain much more than canned goods, Amin had never bothered with a refrigerator.
Then, by the living room, a small hallway led to Amin’s room on the right side, small, disheveled. Andy had never really been in there. He’d only caught small glimpses of it. Then, to the left, there was an old, empty room that did not even had a door, just some cracking, rusted hinges. It contained any junk Amin thought was not worth tossing away.
Then, on the left, a few steps from that room, was the bathroom, which had an old, rusting toilet. A small sink
stood beside it. There was a shower, which had no tub, just a little ledge to not let water out, and an old curtain with a pattern of the Pokemon Mankey on it. And a large mirror on the door.
Then, at the very end of the hallway was Andy’s room. It had absolutely nothing in it, except an old closet by the door, where Andy kept his raggedy clothes, and not much else. Then there was a window, which Andy slept under, in a small mat with a tan cushion and a graying quilt.
Andy had just been over at Rick’s house, visiting Sentret as he always did. He walked inside to find Amin nowhere in sight, he went to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror, he was tall for his age, and had blonde hair that had the tinges of red, that kept showing up more as he grew, he’d have red hair as an adult.
He wore an old, raggedy sweater with Amin’s graying pants. And the sorriest looking set of sneakers he’d seen in his life. You could not even tell what color they had once been.
He sighed, wondering when there would be some change in his life. He suddenly got that image in his head of Rick, tall, with his red shirt and brown shorts, trying to convince him to leave the island. He laughed and shook his head solemnly, then walked out of the bathroom.
He then saw the door of Amin’s room open, and the old man, gray haired and chubby, looked at him with piggy eyes. He sighed, clearly suffering from a hangover. “Where have you been, boy?”
Over at Rick’s.”
“Oh, you were with your boyfriend.”
Comments like this always made Andy angry, but he did not ever bother to say anything. He walked off.
“Wait, kid.”
“What is it?”
“I’m really hung over. There’s some change over there by the shelf, go to the shop down the street and get me some seltzer water, or something. Will you do that?”
Andy nodded and walked out of the hallway, for some reason, just hearing the old man’s raspy voice made him mad. He went and got a few Poke from the shelf, and began to walk down the dirt road, towards a little wooden cabin with a porch and ling window, which was a shop.
He walked inside to find the usual stock of shelves, with typical things. He looked around to see the counter, with some shelves behind it. On a stool sat Mrs. Mabel, the old store keeper. She was old, though not too wrinkled, and had curly black hair. She wore a white apron over a pink blouse and pants. The shops here did not really have a fixed stock, they just carried whatever seemed to be sold, unlike the rumored shops on the mainland.
“Hey, there, muscular arm, what’s your business today?”
“Hello, Mrs. Mabel. Um…do you have anything that may help with….headaches or hangovers?”
“Why, sure I do. Second shelf, row on your left, honey.” she said with a concerned look on her face.
As he paid, he noticed he had a little change left.
“Need anything else, honey?” asked Mrs. Mabel. “We have a new stock on things for Pokemon trainers.”
This statement struck Andy as odd, why was she offering him trainer’s goods? The thought of training his Sentret, or any other Pokemon had never really crossed his mind. But now he was curious, as he looked at the change he had left.
“What do you have?”
“Well, we have here….”
She got a small cardboard box from under the counter.
“We have here a set of multi flavored PokeBlocks, and some balls. Here’s some of these clips for your belt, if you carry Pokemon….”
One of the balls caught his attention. He picked it up and examined it more carefully. It was a small, white capsule, split at the middle. It had a big white button in the middle, and the button, and the place where it split, were lined with a bright red.
“What is this?” he asked, holding up the peculiar looking PokeBall. He knew of a few, but this, he had not seen before.
“Oh, that’s a Premier Ball, sweety, you can have that.”
He nodded, turning the peculiar object around in his hand, as if searching it’s white surface. He continued looking through the box. He found a small metal object that had a clip on one side, and a small gripper on the other. Quite like the kind of thing older boys used to clip their cell phones to their waist, except it was round, to perfectly clip a PokeBall to it. He decided to buy it and noted to show these to Rick later.
As he walked back home, he passed Rick’s house, beside his own. Tall, and brown. With tall green grass growing. He saw Rick sitting there, who waved. He decided to stop and ask Rick about the usage of these items.
“Hey, little buddy.”
“Hey, listen. Could you tell me a little about Pokemon training? Look at this stuff I bought at old Mabel’s.”
Rick looked at the objects, then gestured for Andy to sit down.
“These,” he began in his thin teenage voice. “Are the objects that a trainer uses to carry his or her Pokemon.”
He then asked in a sly voice, “So, you’re considering becoming a trainer, huh?”
“Not exactly.” said Andy, despite the fact that this relatively new topic interested him.
“Little buddy, you can’t spend your entire life being a bitter teen raised by old man Carter. Come on, let me teach you to train. Despite the fact that he hates you, he probably would never let you leave, but I can train you and Sentret here.”
Andy bit his lip and thought about it for a moment. Then he nodded, and Rick quickly began a little lesson.
“OK, you don’t have a belt. Clip this to the waist of your pants.”
Andy clipped the little PokeBall holder to his waist, then waited to be told what else to do.
“Now, take your Premier Ball.”
He took it from Rick and noted to carve his initials on it later.
Rick whistled, and from an old tree jumped the little brown furred racoon, who walked up to them. Andy patted Sentret on the head.
“Now, I do not keep him in a ball since he’s not mine. Here, I think he’ll let you capture it since you are friends. Or, just tell it to return, it knows you.”
Andy brought his hand forward with the ball, then said, for the first time in his life, something a trainer would say.
“Sentret, return!”
There was a noise, like running water, then a flash of bright red light emerged from the button of the little ball, Andy felt like the ball was tugging itself free or something. Then, the light hit Sentret, and enveloped it in itself, then, Sentret began to glow in the color, until it looked like the light itself. Then, he was no longer a Sentret, but an awkward flash of red light, merging with the beam that had hit Sentret. The light began to get smaller, Andy realized it was coming back into the button, which now glowed red. As the remaining light went inside, Andy now felt the ball pushing, instead of pulling. It felt slightly warmer now, and had a bit more weight.
Andy smiled. He had liked what it felt like to have his Pokemon bond with him this way, without being instructed to, he clipped the ball to his waist, and liked the sensation he got at knowing he now had a Pokemon with him, the way a trainer would.
“Now, let’s see what you can do with this little guy.”
“How?”
“I’m going to give you mini-lessons for battling.”
“Battling?!”
“Of course, is that not what you want to do?”
“Yes, but…I don’t want Sentret to get hurt because of me.”
“He won’t. That’s why you have to get stronger!”
“Fine! Let’s go!”
“First, you’ll learn to get your Pokemon to obey your commands, it’s old now, five years, shame it has not evolved.”
“What do I do?”
“You…..tell it what move it is to use.”
“But….”
“Don’t know it’s moves, huh?”
“……no.”
“It should know some of these…..”
He handed Andy a small, red computer device with two screens.
“This is a PokeDex, it will tell you what moves Sentret should have.”
“Where did you-”
“Remember, I’ve traveled more than you have.”
The dex clicked on and then it began to show Andy some of the possible moves, then Andy began to try out.
“Umm….Sentret, use defense curl.”
Sentret looked confused for a moment. Then, it’s ears twitched, and it seemed to realize what was going on. It walked away from Andy and, as all Pokemon’s instincts go, obeyed his command, and curled up into a little ball, then its body began to glisten in a little barrier.
“Good, good, keep at it.” cheered Rick.
“OK…..use tackle?”
Sentret looked around.
“He needs a target…” giggled Rick.
“OK…on…the…on the tree?”
Sentret ran at the tree and rammed it with all it’s body. Then it fell down.
“Sentret!” screamed Andy.
But Sentret got up and shook its head.
“It’s OK,” said Rick. “It’s Ok. It’s five years old and stronger than you think, quit worrying!”
“Ok…Fury Swipes?”
Sentret ran at the tree and began to frenzy and freak on it, it’s little retractable claws slashing at it.
OK…enough for today…” said Rick. “You’ve lost track of time. This is a start, I’ll convince you to leave with me later.” said Rick.
“Hardee-har!” said Andy, rolling his eyes, then gave Rick the premier ball.
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_________________
| Chatango wrote: | PlanetDS: I'm not really a fan of dragon-types.
PlanetDS: My favorite type is steel, because of who's in it.
Drakomaster: Metagross? Registeel?
Drakomaster: Bronzong?
PlanetDS: Yeah...
PlanetDS: Magnezone.. |
Last edited by Drakontas on Sat Sep 05, 2009 9:29 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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AABM
Life Aural
Age: 19
Joined: 28 Apr 2008
Posts: 377
Location: Anywhere but here.
18508 Galaxy Coins
0 Warnings
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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Boy! If I ever had such a wonderful experience like the one Andy just got, no wonder I'd love to travel around and meet new people and learn new stuff while training pokémon! And it is also not any wonder that I'm comparing this to anything real that has happened to me, 'cause this chapter in particular was written so... neat and clean that I could imagine everything as an actual movie! Not even in anime!
I applaude your skills, Drakontas, you're becoming such a good writer! And to think you started as a rookie drafter who had one enourmous project in mind but had not the best writing skills at all. 
Anyways, I'm glad you're starting this story so nicely and with the same cool air of all time, will never miss any of the next installments!
_________________
~ Figuratively shiny, ain't I right?
· Thanks for the awesome signature, Cebolla.
| Quote: | Platinum FC: 4039-3630-3491 - Lazaro.
Mario Kart FC: 348104-789694 - AABM.
PMD2 Explorers of Darkness FC: 1161-8696-4177 - Equipo Buscadores.
Heart Gold FC: 2965 7786 8397 - Teresa. |
· Victory in Pokémon, metagame-wise, takes 49% Skill and 51% Luck.
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Drakontas
King of Dragons
Age: 15
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Posts: 1041
Location: Waiting for HG/SS
12485 Galaxy Coins
0 Warnings
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| Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 8:13 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you, again, for those wonderful comments. Thank you. Now, we have here an update. I'm not sure if this battle is good or exciting, because this is the practice that Andy's getting. Things will change later, OK? And let me know if the story suddenly loses that "cool air".
| Quote: | Chapter 2: Trainer trains future trainer
Andy woke up to the sound of a tapping on his window, he was on his mat, and , guessing it was Rick, remembered the thrill he had felt the previous day when he had begin to train his Sentret. He opened his window to see, across the yard, the window of Rick’s room wide open, with the grinning, brown haired boy, holding some pebbles in his hand.
He shouted across the lawn.
“Hey, little buddy! Ready for some more training today!?”
“Shh!!” shushed Andy. “The old coot’s still asleep!
“Nah.” said Rick. “Saw him leave this morning to that little fishing dingy of his.”
That was Amin’s job, the fisherman for the island. Though he used half his pay on cheap rum and strong wine.
“Okay, see you in a few minutes!” yelled out Andy. He went up to the old bathroom, showered quickly, then dressed in his usual ragged clothing. He went out to the hall, and as he passed the old, rotting kitchen he grabbed a piece of dry bread, and went out, ready to train.
Though the smell of moisture filled the air from the previous night’s rain, Andy felt the good, sunny atmosphere, and felt good to have something fun to do. He walked to Rick’s house. Rick’s parents never had approved of his friendship with Andy, so they always met in the backyard, completely deserted except for the bright green grass that evenly filled the ground.
His loyal friend waited there already, holding out the clip and white premier ball. Andy had just seen it, and already felt a surge of excitement. He clipped the ball to his belt, and felt the same thrill, if not more.
Then Rick smiled, giving him the thumbs up, and began to speak.
“So, you are now familiar with how to carry your Pokemon, and how to give it orders. Now, we will have a little mock battle. Sentret can practice against my Zangoose.”
Zangoose was the only Pokemon Rick had, because he only liked rare Pokemon. It was a shiny, quite rare, and the only thing that satisfied Rick’s lust for rarities.
“Wait!” Andy said, looking surprised, staring across the fresh moist lawn at the tall, brown haired boy in a red vest.
“What is it now, little buddy?”
“Sentret will get hurt! Your Zangoose is much more experienced!”
“Zangoose will go easy, it’s just practice!” Rick laughed, “Zangoose won’t hurt your Pokemon.”
“OK…” stuttered Andy, nervously clutching at his Premier Ball, then he threw it up in the air, screaming, “Sentret, let’s go!”
The small capsule seemed to stop in midair, then it opened up, a bright red light hitting the ground below, illuminating it for a split second before turning into the form of the chubby little racoon Pokemon.
It gave a little squeak, standing on it’s tail, before standing on it’s legs, crouched down in a little battle pose.
Rick smiled, then took out a small capsule, another unfamiliar kind of PokeBall. It was the same shape as Andy’s Premier Ball, but with a diffirent color and pattern. Andy had never seen a Luxury Ball before, big, black, with a red pattern, two circles on top and bottom, and the button lined with a dark wine red.
It soared into the air, and landed on the ground, opening up into a fountain of white sparks, shining even though it was sheer daylight. The ball closed and rolled away, leaving the air in that spot ablaze, until the sparks began to take the form of a catlike ferret, big, white, long pointed ears, streaks of it’s fur blue, and one in mid chest in the shape of lightning.
It’s claws retracted, long, black at the root, then as they curved they began to get a steely luster. It’s large slitted eyes were so keen and catlike that it’s piercing gaze intimidated Andy, as it stood up on it’s hind legs and said in a deep, quick voice, “Zangoose!”
It got on it’s four legs and stared at Sentret as though it were looking at a beefy meal, or a small mouse. It began to creep closer to Sentret. Until the voice of Rick broke the silence.
“Wait, Zangoose, it’s just practice, don’t attack!”
The furry animal understood, and immediately stood up on it’s hind legs and began to wait for it’s opponent to attack.
Andy knew what he had to do, he knew how a battle worked, even if he had never been in one before.
“Sentret, use Fury Swipes!”
The Sentret ran at the ferret like Pokemon, and then immediately began to frenzy on it as it had done previously on a tree.
But Zangoose was gone, in a split second, it was nowhere to be seen, until it appeared behind the little brown mammal, because Zangoose was so speedy, and in the blink of an eye it could run from one place to the next.
“Behind you, Sentret! Double edge!”
The furry mammal jumped behind and sprang to the air, and got the catlike ferret full in the face. Zangoose gave a small hiss, then a screech. But it did not move. It raised a clawed hand, with wide, long claws glinting.
Sentret jumped just in time to dodge a blow from the Zanoose, then, Rick yelled his reminder.
“Easy, Zangoose!”
Then Andy saw his chance, as the Zangoose backed up a little.
“Sentret, RollOut!”
Sentret rolled across the lawn, leaving behind it jagged cut ground, as it toppled the big white mammal over, then, following another order, gave the fallen Pokemon a dose of Quick Attack.
“Zangoose, return!” yelled Rick, throwing his ball up in the air, and the Zangoose disappeared in a fiery glow of sparks.
“Whoa!” said Rick. “You took down my Zangoose!”
But Andy was no longer listening, his blood was still pumping hard in his veins, and his heart nearly pounded out of his chest. He had had the thrill of his life moments ago. For a second, he imagined himself traveling around the world, having this kind of fun all the time.
“Andy. Andy. Andy!”
“Whoa! I’m sorry, what?”
“Dude, you took down my Zangoose, then began to daydream.”
“Oh…I did? I did!”
“Duh!”
“Umm…do trainers get to do this all the time?!”
“Of course, if we left this island, we’d spend our lives doing this stuff!”
“So….”
“Yeah?”
“Well, you’ve convinced me to at least give it some thought. I will, I can’t spend my life here when I can do this!”
“True, true. You should start looking for other people to battle on the island at least.”
“True.” |
_________________
| Chatango wrote: | PlanetDS: I'm not really a fan of dragon-types.
PlanetDS: My favorite type is steel, because of who's in it.
Drakomaster: Metagross? Registeel?
Drakomaster: Bronzong?
PlanetDS: Yeah...
PlanetDS: Magnezone.. |
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AABM
Life Aural
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| Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 1:09 am Post subject: |
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And so, we've got another addition to this thirllin' young story, and a fresh new one at that!
Well, let us see what we've got, this intallment sported a brand new experience for Andy, the Battle! And I guess it was actually pretty neat to do for the first time, however, I'd say he kinda made little mistakes in the battle, which means that Andy's got a fast-learner head.
I just gotta love how he imagined himself battling and travelling after he'd won the practice match, I think it'll not take too long before he packs up a bag and sneaks away from that old house!
By the by, ooo shiny Zangoose! And... what level is that Sentret? It already knows quite a few moves alright. Oh and just another thing; I wonder how will you utilise this TM thing, will you make it all game-ish with the CDs stuff? I hope you get some brilliant idea about those. lol perhaps you'll just do it like in the series, where no CDs are needed for a pkmn to learn a new move, just "dedication".
Note: Usually, you say 'Loaf of bread' not 'Piece of bread'.
_________________
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· Thanks for the awesome signature, Cebolla.
| Quote: | Platinum FC: 4039-3630-3491 - Lazaro.
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Drakontas
King of Dragons
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| Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 2:27 pm Post subject: |
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I sort of have my own ideas for the TM thing, though I doubt they should be essential to the plot.
| Quote: | Chapter 3: Decisions, decisions
Andy sat in the shade of an old palm tree, who’s light green leaves swayed gently in the wind. Ever since the battle he had with Rick, which had been about an hour ago, Andy had sat there, under the tree in Rick’s front yard, petting Sentret, thinking about the wonders life would give him if he just gathered up the courage to leave the island.
He sat up as he saw Rick coming his way.
“My dad’s coming home early, go. We’ll speak later.”
Andy got up and gave Rick Sentret’s ball, then left.
He decided to go for a walk around town, to think a little bit. He would brainstorm some of the facts he already knew and then see what he could do to get off this island with Rick. He kicked a stone out of his way, then began to walk down a dirt path, thinking.
Well, Amin won’t miss me if I go. Heck, he won’t pursue me either, he’ll just look for me for a few days, then give up. As long as the government does not find out I escaped from him, he won’t get in trouble, and thus, won’t care if I leave.
I still can’t just say I’m leaving, or leave a letter, or anything. If I leave, it will have to be without telling anyone. Even if Rick’s parents eventually figure I left with him, we’ll be far from here. By then.
He imagined himself getting off the island, freeing himself from his boring life, then grinned, noting to ask Rick later what the details of the trip might be if he ever decided to leave with him.
He looked in front of himself before almost smacking a wooden pole. Then, he realized it was a pole of the porch of old Mabel’s shop. He had not noticed, in all his thought, where he was going. A grinning Mabel waved at him from a window of the old shop, he walked in, deciding to take a look around just to pass some time.
He noticed some of the windows of the shop were a bit grimy, then, as old Mabel saw him looking at them, said, “Ah, yes, I’ve been looking for someone to wash these for a little bit of pay.”
Andy thought this might be his chance to earn a bit of money, then remembered that he could buy trainer’s goods with his earnings, as long as Amin never found out.
He awkwardly walked out of the store, noting to consult with Rick later about his thoughts. He went home and decided to take a small nap, noting to go look for Rick when he woke up.
***
Andy stirred in his mat. Then he noticed something odd. The air felt a bit warm on his face. His throat felt raw, then he realized the smell of smoke was in the air. He immediately got up.
He walked into the hallway to see fiery light flickering on the walls of the hallway. The smell of smoke got stronger, a sizzling sound was heard, over it, Andy could hear the raspy screaming of somebody. Andy ran into the room quickly, to see a screaming Amin backing away from the shelf, which was on fire.
Andy screamed, “What the Hell is going on?!”
Amin looked at him with his piggy eyes. Then looked at the loud, hissing red flames.
“Just go get some water, there are buckets out there, get the **** water!”
Andy ran outside and got two of the three buckets filled with water, while Amin got the other. They simultaneously tossed the water onto the burning shelf, the ceiling was beginning to catch fire as well.
Amin went outside and refilled the bucket with the hose nozzle, while he splashed it on the shelf, Andy refilled his two buckets. He splashed it on while Amin ran in with a full bucket, then tripped.
Andy managed to fill it up, then ran in, and brought his arms back, and tossed the bucket of water at the fire, all that was left was a few embers. Andy grabbed a magazine from nearby and began to ound the last of the flames out.
It was over. Andy turned around to look at Amin. Amin shifted under Andy’s gaze.
“What the **** happened here!?”
Amin looked guilty, like a dog, cowering after it wet the carpet. Then he looked angry again.
“Who are you to ask me what happened?! I was smoking, OK? Smoking!”
Andy understood. Amin harrumphed, then grabbed a charred porn magazine, and sat down, lighting another cigarette. Andy was outraged.
“After what just happened, you’re still going to smoke in here?!”
“So, what?! Since when do you tell me what I can do and what I can’t, boy?!”
He said it, while he blew out fumes from the cigarette. Andy was angry. He walked up to the fat old man and snatched the cigarette, stepping on it on the floor, leaving a small charred crater. Amin’s plump face wrinkled up into a grim frown.
“What the hell did you just do?! You’re not going to disrespect me!”
“Oh, yeah?” said Andy, calmly. He spat on Amin’s leather boot.
“I just did.”
He walked out of the room, outside, probably to Rick’s house, Amin behind him, babbling.
“You’re not going to disrespect me, kid! Hey, come back here!”
Andy left him, standing there on the porch, protesting.
Andy found Rick in the back yard, sitting. He waved.
As Andy prepared for asking Rick about leaving, it felt as though his heart skipped a beat.
As he approached Rick and sat down, he prepared his array of questions.
“Rick.”
“Yes, little buddy?”
“I- I want to leave. I want to leave the island with you.”
Rick clapped, rocking back and forth, and began to laugh.
“Well, about time, little buddy. About time.”
“Umm….Rick?”
“Yeah?”
“If we’re leaving, don’t we need a plan?”
“Yes. I have a few ideas. Do you have any?”
“Well, old Mabel needs someone to help her out in her store, we could earn money off of that.”
“True, I never thought of the money it would take us to get off the island.”
“Well, how would we get off the island? We can’t swim all the way to land.”
“The island beside us is Navel rock, we could get there if we had some rafts.”
“We don’t have any rafts.”
“This place has a lot of boats, we could steal a raft-”
“No. We won’t.”
“Andy, we-”
“No!”
“Fine. There are plenty of long branches around here, I’m sure we can make some rafts.”
“Good idea, we could tie them with palm leaves.”
“Good.”
And so the two began planning their escape of the island, as they sat there. |
_________________
| Chatango wrote: | PlanetDS: I'm not really a fan of dragon-types.
PlanetDS: My favorite type is steel, because of who's in it.
Drakomaster: Metagross? Registeel?
Drakomaster: Bronzong?
PlanetDS: Yeah...
PlanetDS: Magnezone.. |
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AABM
Life Aural
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| Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 2:55 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I should know you're not using any TMs by now, I was just pointing that out, y'kno'
Anyways, I think this here chapter was pretty good, it didn't get plenty of stuff, however... and the only action-ish thing was the fire and Amin's nonsensical krapness... dude, I'm gona be frank, I'm gettin' sick of Amin, you'd better get rid of him or make Andy go away with Rick already, 'cause that guy is gettin' seriously on my nerves.
So, the two kids are gonna team up so they can come up with some random contraption to escape the island? Aren't they going out by boat? Or aren't they going to catch some random sea pokémon that takes them away? (Like the classic Lapras, or a Wailmer).
Well, things are bound to get interesting, the quicker you get rid of Amin's being in the story, the better 
Note: Two guys travelling together? Throw at least a female charrie in there!
_________________
~ Figuratively shiny, ain't I right?
· Thanks for the awesome signature, Cebolla.
| Quote: | Platinum FC: 4039-3630-3491 - Lazaro.
Mario Kart FC: 348104-789694 - AABM.
PMD2 Explorers of Darkness FC: 1161-8696-4177 - Equipo Buscadores.
Heart Gold FC: 2965 7786 8397 - Teresa. |
· Victory in Pokémon, metagame-wise, takes 49% Skill and 51% Luck.
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Drakontas
King of Dragons
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| Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 9:05 pm Post subject: |
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OK, AABM, I'll be sure to follow your advice, and I have a good plot going for what comes after they leave the island, I know, some things still have not been explained, but they will, like how Rick met Andy.
Anyways, here is a chapter where not much happens, except now Andy and Rick have a good way to get off the island, building something with those boards from the burned shelf....
I'm not sure if in this chapter I explained myself well enough about the way they can build the boat, or wether I should, in the next chapter, detail their making of the boat, or fast-forward.
So, please give me some advise in your feedback.
| Quote: | Chapter 4: A means of escape
Andy and Rick sat cross legged and facing each other in the shade of an old palm tree, whispering rapidly, trying to find a good way to get off the island.
“Well, little buddy, for now, the important thing is getting off this island, then we’ll worry about how we’ll travel again. I’m sure we can find some other means of transport on Navel Rock.”
“Sure, Rick, but do we even have any money for travel? No, right?”
Rick gave Andy his sly smile.
“Wrong! I have some savings we can use, I’ve been saving for a long time because my dream has always been to travel everywhere and get lots of rare Pokemon.”
Andy sighed. Then he spoke in a worried voice.
“I don’t want you wasting your savings on just getting me off the island!”
“Andy, it’s not a waste, it’s not. I want to travel, and it will be more fun to travel with a friend.”
Rick nodded,
“OK, fine. So what do we do now?”
“It’s getting late, we can’t start doing anything yet.” noted Rick, looking at the sun go down.
“You’re right.” said Andy.
“Well,” said Rick, “Start thinking about what we can do, I’ll start looking for supplies for those rafts.”
Andy said goodbye, and began to walk home. He wondered what he could use to make the rafts.
He walked into his home to see the wet, charred shelf sitting down, Amin had put it down.
Amin walked in the room.
“Hey, boy, glad you got home. You need to get that pile of rubbish out of here.”
Andy looked at the shelf, it could fit through the door if he pushed it sideways, but he still felt angry at being forced to push this big shelf out of the room. Then a thought came into his mind.
The rafts! We could use this material for the rafts!
“OK.” said Andy, then he began to drag and push the shelf through the door.
Amin looked at him strangely, his eyebrow arched up. He was used to getting cheeky retorts from Andy.
***
The door of the cabin shut, Andy had finally managed to get the shelf out. Andy lay down on it, panting. The sun was going down, casting an amber glow upon the little town.
Andy went out to find Rick still out there, dragging some long, thick branches from the forest and into a pile of other branches, and drying palm leaves. Rick saw Andy and waved, dropping the branches, coming towards him, away from the little clearing where he had the pile, behind a few trees.
“What’s up, little buddy?”
Andy told Rick about the shelf. Rick snapped his fingers.
“Bingo! We could use that to make some rafts, I can use some nails from inside the house. Is Amin there?”
“Nah, he should be heading towards the inn for his nightly drink by now.”
“So, lets go drag the shelf back here!”
“I don’t want to get you in trouble if someone sees the shelf!”
“I won’t get in trouble.” laughed Rick, gesturing at his pile of branches, letting Andy know it was far enough away from the house.
***
It was already a little darker by the time Andy and Rick managed to get the shelf to the clearing, where Rick examined it.
“It’s large enough, we can use the wood, it’s not too burned.”
Rick yawned.
“But that can be tomorrow, it’s getting late. As soon as I finish the rafts, we‘ll get some other plans at work.”
“Yeah, bye.”
Andy felt better knowing that Rick would be with him in his escape from his boring life.
He got home and went inside to find Amin gone already. He decided that if they were leaving, even if it was on rafts, they would need supplies. He noted to look around to know exactly where he could find what, so that he could be ready to leave soon.
He stepped into the wide Pantry, which contained a few cans of fruit, some loafs of dry bread, a few bottles of spirits, and some cans of other condensed foods.
Then he looked into the old room where Amin kept all his stuff, to find a pair of Amin’s old fishing oars. He could use that for the rafts.
He could not take any thing now, Amin would notice, so he decided to wait. For now, he would go to bed, for tomorrow, he and Rick would begin to plan and build their escape of Birth Island.
***
Andy was so excited he rose early that morning and looked out to see that it was still a bit dark out. He got up and walked out of the house, Amin was gone, he always left to fish early. Andy walked into the old, messy room piled with trinkets and knick knacks that Amin kept.
He walked in and got the pair of oars out, then bathed, dressed, and went outside by the time daylight was arriving.
He found Rick in the small clearing near the house, under the shade of trees, who had already pulled apart every single board in the shelf, Andy had not ever considered the size of the shelf, and the wood that Rick had stripped off of it might have been enough to build an entire boat.
A pile of nails was on the ground, along with a small hammer, and a saw. Rick was kneeled with his back to Andy, pulling apart two more boards, then when he reached back for the hammer, saw Andy, and smiled.
“Little buddy, there’s a whole lot of work to be done, but I reckon that with all these boards, we could make ourselves a small boat.”
“So,” Andy said, “Explain that to me.”
“OK.” Rick got up to face Andy, and gestured at the boards.
Rick gestured at a pile of small, rectangular boards.
“If we nail these smaller ones the right way, we can get them to be the bottom. See, we get two, and nail them like this.”
He nailed two identical sized rectangular boards so that they made a triangular shape open at one side.
“If we do that with the rest of these, then we nail them all together, to make the edgy bottom of our boat. If we make more of these triangular shapes, we will have the back and front of the boat, like those of a small canoe. Then we board up those other boards to make a boat.”
Andy and Rick began to cooperate together, nailing boards together and working on their makeshift canoe.
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_________________
| Chatango wrote: | PlanetDS: I'm not really a fan of dragon-types.
PlanetDS: My favorite type is steel, because of who's in it.
Drakomaster: Metagross? Registeel?
Drakomaster: Bronzong?
PlanetDS: Yeah...
PlanetDS: Magnezone.. |
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AABM
Life Aural
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| Posted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 1:58 am Post subject: |
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Nailing wooden boards together? Usin' some random material from a broken shelf? Palmtree leaves? Okay... now, that makes MAJOR sense, huh?
This last installment was quite something to read, seeing as these kids always come up with random, brilliant ideas to have some contraption and escape the boring islander life.
And talk about something to read, your style is never lacking the freshness and detail of all times. Well, okay, what do you need? You wanna know if you should detail how they made the boat or fast-forward it...? Quite a dillema.
Look, if you had to detail about how they made their boat, you'd have another tasteless utility chapter to the wagon. However, if you fast-forward it, action will pour from everywhere in no time! Clear?
_________________
~ Figuratively shiny, ain't I right?
· Thanks for the awesome signature, Cebolla.
| Quote: | Platinum FC: 4039-3630-3491 - Lazaro.
Mario Kart FC: 348104-789694 - AABM.
PMD2 Explorers of Darkness FC: 1161-8696-4177 - Equipo Buscadores.
Heart Gold FC: 2965 7786 8397 - Teresa. |
· Victory in Pokémon, metagame-wise, takes 49% Skill and 51% Luck.
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Drakontas
King of Dragons
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| Posted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 11:30 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the advice, AABM. Here's the next chapter.
| Quote: | Chapter 5: On the run
Andy stood up, panting, wiping his brow. Sweat poured from his face and into his eyes, obscuring his vision, the bright and radiant glare of an angry sun worsened his already blurred vision. It had been a week now that Andy and Rick had been working on their makeshift boat, from the boards of the shelf Amin had burned. Andy even felt some new muscles growing.
They had made much progress in the days that had followed, they had managed to make a funny looking, crooked imitation of a canoe, except this was a lot smaller, and you could see charred board, and the nails where they had been put in place.
This was, except in areas where Rick and him were now covering in palm leaves, to protect it from cracking on the sun’s bright glare. Rick had his shirt off and was drenched in sweat as he nailed the final board in place, as a small canoe, seat, inside the boat, a board across the boat, like a real canoe.
With that, and the oars Andy had stolen from Amin, they would get off the island. But only if their small vessel would carry them and their supplies. Rick ad suggested building the small branch rafts to tie their things behind the canoe, but, judging by the size of it, it would hold.
They sat down in the grass, panting, and stared blankly at their small, crippled masterpiece.
“Well,” said Rick between pants, “At least it’ll get us off this island.” and added after a pause for breath, “Little buddy.”
Andy turned to Rick.
“So, we need a plan to get off this island, no?”
“Yep, little buddy, we need a master plan. We need to have time to get supplies, and we need time to evade anyone who might see us leave the island.”
“Yep, not so early, that someone might spot us, and not so late that the fog or darkness will obscure our path.”
“But before counting our Torchic before they hatch, let’s test this hot puppy out!”
“Rick, how?! We’ll be seen! Are you raving mad?!”
“No, little buddy, I’m fucking impatient! Look, all we need is to be sure this piece of **** will work, then we need to get off this dump as fast as possible. Come on, man, lighten up! I want to travel, I grow impatient!”
“Fine, is there not a bit of sea obscured by the rocks, I mean behind the cove?”
“Yep, let’s go there.”
“How about…now?!”
“Yep, you are impatient. Mr. Hot Head.”
“Eh, what can I say little buddy? It’s always been my dream to travel.”
“Huh, and it’s always been my dream to avenge my family and escape Amin.”
They looked at each other, stood up, and at the same time screamed,
“Then, now it is!”
And they were off to test their small vessel.
***
Deeper and deeper into the forest they walked, towards the other shore, where no one would see them try out the boat. They carried it over their backs, Rick leading, Andy holding the backside. They finally arrived to a rocky shore where the misty waves hissed on shore, leaving foam and bubbles and the smell of sea salt in the air.
The little, crooked, palm tree covered canoe looked quite odd floating in the sea near them, as they clambered in and began to oar. It was slow at first, but soon began to go faster and faster, soon, they drifted quite a few yards away from shore, and as they rowed back, Rick said,
“Well, let’s leave it here, we could leave from here, and then would not be seen for a while. It’s even a bit more angle towards Navel Rock.”
They sat at shore to chat, and, possibly plan their escape.
Andy sighed.
“Who’d think that you and I would be traveling together, Rick? Who?”
“Yep, little buddy. Together, we’ll explore vast forests, run through thick jungles, explore old ruins, escape blistering desert winds, explore savage seas, climb vast mountains, and glaciers, hike volcanoes, and-”
“Whoa, whoa, Rick. Remember, we’re working towards goals here.”
“Yes, yes, and my goal is to travel! Come on, little buddy, together, we’ll fight for our dreams, that’s who we are, fighting dreamers, it’s our destiny, to chase our dreams, and die doing what we like best.”
“Yeah, yeah, now, to plan our escape.”
“Right, we can rest today- it’s almost dark. But let’s plan to escape tomorrow.”
Night fell as the two teenage boys sat and chattered about numerous ways to escape unnoticed.
***
Andy woke up on his mat, to a noise beside his room, it was Amin, leaving for is work of fishing. Andy clearly remembered the scheme he and Rick had come up with the night before, they would pack up in the day when their guardians were away at work, despite Andy’s protest of Rick worrying his parents for naught. Andy knew he would not worry his parents so if they were alive, leaving without a trace.
Then, they would wait for the shade of noon to fall, hoping to get to Navel Rock safely that very day, being that Birth Island and Navel Rock were the closest together of all the Sevii.
Andy saw Amin from a small bit he had opened the door, he was leaving for his fishing- cursing his hangover, of course.
As soon as Andy saw Amin leave, he looked o his window, tainted with a new dawn’s amber glow. He opened it, breathing in the fresh air, then pelted Rick’s window with small pebbles.
He did so until the light in Rick’s bedroom turned on. Then he saw the window open, ad saw the brown haired head of the tall, muscular boy pop up on the window. He yawned.
“Aw, come on, little buddy, let me sleep a few more minutes!”
“Yeah, and you were the one who was so impatient to leave.”
Rick rolled his eyes, and closed the window, Andy grinned. Then he got up, and began to look around for something to pack in. He looked for a few minutes, found naught, and then heard a loud knocking sound on the door.
Andy felt a surge of fear wash over him, was it Amin? He went to the door, and nervously stuttering, asked,
“Wh- who is, th… this?”
“Your momma!” said the familiar voice of Rick.
“Very funny.” muttered Andy under his breath, opening the door. Rick stood there, holding a brand new looking back pack.
“This is for you, little buddy. To pack up.”
Andy examined it before answering, for it was the neatest gift he had been given by a mere non kin.
It was small, light, adorned it bright, metallic green, and a silvery color. It was one strap that went across, meat for one’s shoulders. And it smelled new. Andy’s candid blue eyes met Rick’s sly and impatient ones.
“I don’t know what to say…”
“Then say nothing and pack up, come on, come on!”
“OK, let’s see.”
“I got tools, you just provide some food and clothes for you, I even have some cans of water. Yes, cans.”
“OK, let’s go to my old foster father’s pantry, shall we?”
“We shall.”
They opened the small, dusty pantry. Andy opened his bag, sorry he had to use it at all, for it was quite new, and put in four cans of fruit, a couple of dusty cans of dried meat, a can of sardine, all the loaves of bread, in a plastic bag, and, as Andy reached out for just one more can of tea, Rick shoved his hand into the pantry and pulled out a large bottle of Amin’s best sake.
“No.” said Andy, pulling the bottle of liquor from Rick’s grip.
“Yes.” said Rick, snatching it back and putting it in a small grey knapsack that hung from his back.
Andy groaned then walked up to his closet, with Rick close behind, and packed in all his raggedy clothes. Andy turned to ask Rick a question.
“You earn money by beating other trainers, right?”
“Yep.”
“Then as soon as we reach another island, I’m getting some good clothes.”
“OK. You ready?”
“Yep.” Andy said after picking up his mat and quilt.
The luxury ball and the premier ball hung from Rick’s waist, Rick gave Andy his respective one, then they were off, fully packed, to the place where they had left their canoe, by the shore near the forest.
***
They had waited and waited, while they waited, they had checked their total of supplies, which summed up to a few cans of food, water, lots of bread, the bottle of sake, a mat, a sleeping bag, and their clothes.
“We’ll get more supplies later.” assured Rick, tapping a finger to a small pouch where he had his savings.
They began to stir and go impatient, they had to leave soon to not be caught. Andy had the distinct feeling someone was watching them.
“Well,” said Rick, making him jump.
“What?”
“Let’s go already.”
“OK.”
“Nervous, little buddy?”
Andy considered the question for a moment, then realized he was trembling. Despite that, he shook his head and said,
“Not one bit.”
They checked to make sure they had all they needed, one more time, and began to get up. They had not released their Pokemon here for fear of being caught.
They clambered on and noticed that the boat went slower due to the weight. Each grabbing an oar, they began to paddle wildly out towards the open sea. Nothing interesting had happened. Yet.
For a long time, they just paddled through the calm, wine dark sea, without talking. It looked strange, two teenage boys on an old, lumpy boat covered in palm leaves.
Andy entertained himself while resting by looking at some Pelliper in the water, fishing, and some Wingull flying overhead. Suddenly the Wingull began to yelp, and the Pelliper flew out of the water.
“Huh?” asked Rick, looking confused at the scared Pokemon.
Andy found this was strange. He saw a school of fish Pokemon that had been swimming by them swim away. What was scaring them?
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So... did this leave you in suspense?
_________________
| Chatango wrote: | PlanetDS: I'm not really a fan of dragon-types.
PlanetDS: My favorite type is steel, because of who's in it.
Drakomaster: Metagross? Registeel?
Drakomaster: Bronzong?
PlanetDS: Yeah...
PlanetDS: Magnezone.. |
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AABM
Life Aural
Age: 19
Joined: 28 Apr 2008
Posts: 377
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18508 Galaxy Coins
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| Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 12:33 am Post subject: |
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This chapter was but excellent! Not only was it written in a way so that you could feel what the characters where feeling, but it also got some shifty boat that had set sail!
But wait... OMG... no... no, you can't do this! Tell me it's NOT a Sharpedo! D8 *Is still not cured from the fear of sharks*
By the by, these two parts of last chapter were epic:
| Quote: | “Who’d think that you and I would be traveling together, Rick? Who?”
“Yep, little buddy. Together, we’ll explore vast forests, run through thick jungles, explore old ruins, escape blistering desert winds, explore savage seas, climb vast mountains, and glaciers, hike volcanoes, and-”
“Whoa, whoa, Rick. Remember, we’re working towards goals here.” Andy interjected as the palling music sled off. |
Lol, just for the heck of it you could have put in what's in orange and it would be even more hilarious!
| Quote: | | It looked strange, two teenage boys on an old, lumpy boat covered in palm leaves. |
This one made me feel like you need a female charrie in at once.
But other than those, everything else seems just okay; but you could say who's speaking for the next time, I easily get confused on dialogues unless the speaker gestures who's s/he talking to.
_________________
~ Figuratively shiny, ain't I right?
· Thanks for the awesome signature, Cebolla.
| Quote: | Platinum FC: 4039-3630-3491 - Lazaro.
Mario Kart FC: 348104-789694 - AABM.
PMD2 Explorers of Darkness FC: 1161-8696-4177 - Equipo Buscadores.
Heart Gold FC: 2965 7786 8397 - Teresa. |
· Victory in Pokémon, metagame-wise, takes 49% Skill and 51% Luck.
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Drakontas
King of Dragons
Age: 15
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Posts: 1041
Location: Waiting for HG/SS
12485 Galaxy Coins
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| Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:06 am Post subject: |
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Thank you AABM, for the advice, and the support, which motivates me, and just reading one of your encouraging comments drives me. Thank you.
There will be a female charrie soon, possibly with a certain water Pokemon that came into my mind.
And yes, I use Bulbapedia for my movesets and to see what a certain Pokemon eat.
Except in this chapter, Andy has not bought food yet, so they eat the fruit.
Anyways, I think this chapter turned out quite well.
| Quote: | Chapter 6: Sea Captain Moreno
“Huh?” asked Rick, confused by the frightened nature of the Pokemon.
“It’s not normal for them to scare off like this.” remarked Andy, looking around.
Then, Andy turned to see some large ripples in the water. In the distance he saw a motorboat, but it was too far away to be making the large ripples. Andy stared closer, noting something large in the water. Andy tilted his head and squinted, then heard a noise, and saw some bubbles come up. He got so close; he nearly dipped his head in the water.
Suddenly, a huge creature jumped out of the water, making Andy scream and fall back. Rick was startled as well, then, as it jumped in midair and began to thrash, they saw it for a second before it fell into the water again, it was a large blue serpentine Pokemon, a tan underbelly, white, three horned spikes on its back. Large jaws stood under piercing turquoise eyes. It gave a fierce roar before falling into the water.
“A Gyarados!” screamed Rick over the roar. As it fell, the ripples that erupted from the water nearly made their boat tilt. Andy saw the motorboat getting closer, then his attention was turned to the Gyarados, who was heading back up to surface.
It hit their boat hard, for a second Andy thought it would tilt. Then, it jumped out of the water and began to thrash in midair. It fell back into the water. Then, it began to go back up and hit the boat again. The boat’s wood was heard cracking. Water began to build up near Andy’s feet.
The large sea serpent flew up into the air again, and as it fell, it was heading right down to the boat.
“Jump!” screamed Rick, jumping out of the boat with his and Andy’s pack now on his back. Andy did not hesitate, he just jumped off the boat, right before the thrashing Gyarados landed on their boat, turning it to nothing but splinters floating in the water.
Andy heard the buzz of the motorboat get closer, but just swam for his life as the Gyarados tried to head for him. Andy swam as fast as he could, but the Gyarados was catching up. Suddenly, the boat arrived, it was a small white motorboat with a windshield, behind it, steering, stood an old, bald, white bearded man in a black sailor’s uniform, and a bandanna at his neck. He pulled a Poke Ball from his waist, and then threw it into the air, and on the deck of his ship, after a beam of red light, appeared a large yellow sheep like Pokemon, who had a small bulb on it’s tail, which lit up. Pointing at the Gyarados, the man said,
“Ampharos, use thunder punch!”
The Pokemon jumped in the air, flying right towards the Gyarados as the motorboat got closer. Then, putting it’s arm back, brought it forward, now ablaze with bright blue sparks, which hit the Gyarados, and where they hit, streams of radiant lightning flew. The Ampharos flew back with the force of the punch, landing right on the boat, which now stood very close to Andy.
“Come on!” screamed the man, throwing Andy a lifesaver tied to a rope. As Andy grabbed on, the man began to pull, and the Gyarados began to go towards the boat.
“Ampharos, thunderbolt!”
A huge array of lightning bolts flew from the tail of the Ampharos, hitting the Gyarados clear in the face. It looked scared, it gave a roar, then sank underwater, and was gone. Andy clambered on to the boat. The man just threw the same lifesaver at Rick, and said to Andy,
“Now, help me pull your friend over their up, will you?”
He threw the lifesaver at Rick, who was swimming towards the boat, and then Rick got on the boat.
The man turned to his Pokemon.
“Ampharos, return.”
Then, he turned to Rick and Andy. He introduced himself, shaking Rick and Andy’s hands.
“Hello, hello, my name’s Sea Captain Moreno.”
He was a tall, black man, with his black sailor’s clothes. He wore thick leather boots, a pocket knife protruding out of one of them. He was tall and muscular, despite his beard and age.
“Hello, the name’s Rick Simmons. And this here’s Anderson Carter.”
Andy gave a startled cough, stepping on Rick’s toe for using Amin’s last name.
“Actually, it’s Platt. Andy Platt. Sir.” corrected Andy, wishing not to use his step father’s last name.
“Well, OK, then, let’s get you to my home to dry you up.” said the sea captain, turning his boat on again.
“Thank you,” said Rick, putting down the soggy backpacks.
“I wonder why that Gyarados was so angry.” muttered the man.
“Beats me.” said Andy, looking forward to see the island getting closer.
***
As they got off the motorboat, Andy looked around to take in the panorama of Navel Rock. It was just as he had once heard, unlike all the other Sevii, which were green and lush.
They stood in a small boat harbor, small fishing vessels lining every dock. Then, a city with small cottages and brick houses stood at the foot of a small series of caves. The scene was pretty beside the setting sun, though peculiarly new to Andy.
“Come, come to my humble cottage.” said Sea Captain Moreno, who walked forward.
***
They walked up to a small, brick cottage with one window, and a chimney overhead. The man opened the door and walked in, Rick behind him, Andy looked around before walking in, to see various people walking by, and was overwhelmed by the city’s strong scent of cooking fish.
They walked in to an elegant, yet cozy one floored house, with a high ceiling, a warm brown sofa beside the entrance, a stove on the other side, in between a small refrigerator and a tin full of rain water. The man left them standing on a mat that said, “Welcome.”
He came back with towels and directed them to his bathroom where they could change and dry, then Rick and Andy sat on the couch, and the man pulled up a stool.
“Hello, now that we are here, could you please tell me what two young men were doing out in the middle of the ocean in a small….boat?”
His eyebrow arched up.
“Well,” began Rick. “We have been traveling around and training our Pokemon.”
The man smiled, then said,
“Ah, the typical brave young men who like to train. Fine, fine. I am a retired Sea Captain who spends his spare time fishing, and welcoming newcomers to my home, happy to get visitors, rare as they are in these parts.”
Rick nodded. The man looked at Andy, and chose his words for a moment.
“What about you, quiet young man, do you have a story to tell and old seaman?”
Andy looked up.
“No, sir, I am a new trainer, with not as much experience as Rick over here.”
“Well! A new trainer, huh? That’s good.” remarked the old man, giving a hearty chuckle. Then said, “I’d be happy to give a young one some knowledge in training. If you two are traveling, and would like to get to know the island a little better, do stay in my house as long as you wish.”
Andy was about to refuse, when Rick said,
“Sure! Why not? We’d love to get to know the island.”
“Good, good.” said the man, getting up.
“Then if you’ll excuse me, Rick and Anderson, I’d like to go serve you some dinner. Oh, and call me Bill, if you’d please. Bill.” With that, Moreno stood up to go to the stove, and said behind his back as he cooked,
“Do sit down at my table.”
Andy and Rick sat down at the small, round table near the stove, and talked as the man worked.
Andy spoke first, in a hurried whisper.
“We lost our ship, how the hell do we get to the next island?”
Rick looked startled, then calmed and smiled,
“We’ll pull through.”
“Aw, come on, Rick, that’s no answer! We lost our stinking ship, and-”
“Aw, Andy, come on! We have money to rent a ferry or something. Lighten up, boy. Or we could pay this man here to get us to the next island.”
A loaf of bread was placed on the table with a knife and a stick of butter, then, a pot of stew.
They received their bowls and began to eat, listening to the old sailor speak.
“If I would have known I had guests, I’d have something better. Since the land here’s not as fertile, most people eat fish or fowl.”
“That’s fine.” said Andy. Looking down at his plate. The stew smelled rich, and it was good to not be eating the mediocre food Amin had always fed him.
He watched Sentret and Zangoose comform themselves for now on the canned fruit in Andy’s pack.
Once their bowls were empty, the man told Them they could settle wherever it pleased. Rick unrolled a green sleeping bag and was soon snoring. Andy settled up on the couch with his old blanket.
The old sailor went off to his room, turning off the lights.
|
_________________
| Chatango wrote: | PlanetDS: I'm not really a fan of dragon-types.
PlanetDS: My favorite type is steel, because of who's in it.
Drakomaster: Metagross? Registeel?
Drakomaster: Bronzong?
PlanetDS: Yeah...
PlanetDS: Magnezone.. |
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Drakontas
King of Dragons
Age: 15
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Posts: 1041
Location: Waiting for HG/SS
12485 Galaxy Coins
0 Warnings
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:43 am Post subject: |
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Where are you, AABM? ;_;
I hate double posting in my story, it's a sign of it having few fans.
But still, the show must go on!
| Quote: | Chapter 7: New experiences
Andy woke up to the strong smell of cooking meat. He got up, to see the daylight going in through the cabin’s single window. He took his blanket off and got up to see Rick helping Bill cook at the small stove. As Andy got up, Rick turned to him and said,
“Morning, little buddy. I went and got a few essential things from the store.” he gestured to a small bag on the table.
It contained toothpaste, toothbrushes, and some bath towels. Andy could not wait until he could get some money from beating other trainers, for the feel of it, and to get out of his raggedy clothes, what would be his final memories of his bitter life with Amin.
“We’ll go get more things later.” noted Rick, sitting down at the table.
Bill looked up and said,
“Fresh fish omelets and melted cheese for breakfast, boys. While you go explore town I’ll go catch some Krabby, or something. For our next meal.”
Andy found it nice that they already knew someone so hospitable. He looked down to see his plate being served, and began to eat. Zangoose and Sentret once again had canned fruit. Andy noted to buy Sentret some proper food once they went shopping for supplies.
After they ate, they took turns showering and brushing their teeth at the bathroom.
***
The two eager teens and the old black man walked out of the cabin, each with their own plans.
Bill went out to his motorboat to go get their next meal, while Andy and Rick would begin to explore town.
Brick houses were everywhere, and Andy noticed that all around the cozy little town, the houses were made to go around the small central square, where lots of peddlers sold their goods, and many people walked, talking and laughing. There was a small veranda in the middle of the square, in it, and around it, trainers were pitting their Pokemon off against each other.
“Hey.” said Rick to Andy. “Let’s go see if someone wants to battle you.”
They walked to the square to examine various people petting or grooming their Pokemon. Everyone looked good alongside their Pokemon. Andy noticed a black haired kid slightly taller than him walk up to him.
He was skinny, tall, black haired with matching eyes, a single PokeBall at his waste. He walked up to Andy and confidently asked,
“Hey, kid, want to battle?”
Andy was confident he’d win. Then as they walked onto the wooden floored veranda, with rails all around, the kid flashed a thumbs up, and a handful of money. Andy grinned, then threw his ball up in the air, in landed with a pop, and a stream of red light erupted.
Out came the fat little mammal, eager for another blood heated battled. Andy smiled feebly, thinking that the sight of a small ragged boy with a fat little rat seemed awkward. The kid grinned, throwing up in the air his own ball, which flashed with the same red light, revealing a small, round Pokemon.
It was small and furry, completely blue, with a small inflated and transparent tail. With small black beady eyes, and mouse like ears, it was an even more feeble sight than Sentret. Andy suppressed a laugh, wishing he had a PokeDex like Rick’s to see what this tiny thing was.
“Azurill!” yelled the kid. “Get ready!”
“Go on, Sentret!” yelled Andy, wishing he would have said that when he threw the ball. He noticed a few teens watching giggling at his feeble attempt at sounding like a tough trainer. He needed to earn respect.
“Azurill, bubble!” yelled the kid with enthusiasm.
A stream of large bubbles erupted from the foaming mouth, and went straight for Sentret. Then Andy remembered his lessons with Rick.
“Sentret, Defense Curl!”
Sentret obediently curled up into a small ball, very small and tight. It’s fur seemed to smoothen on it’s brown body as if an invisible hand had stroked it, then, a faint glow began to surround the curled up body, getting brighter and brighter, a strong barrier.
As the bubbles hit the barrier, those areas glowed more, and the bubbles popped. Then, as the attack stopped, Sentret got on it’s feet again, eager to attack.
“Sentret, quick attack!”
Sentret darted forward instantly, charging forward with such blinding speed Andy just saw a streak of brown in front of him, then in front of Azurill. Andy blinked, all he saw was the tiny blue Pokemon being sent to the air from the strong blow, then a crunching sound as it landed on the wooden floor.
“Now, Slam!”
Sentret dove into the air, and landed with an even louder crunching sound on top of the squirming Pokemon. It gave a squeal, then tried to get Sentret, who was still on top of it, off.
“Water gun!” yelled the kid, and there was a streak of blue water erupting from the Pokemon’s mouth. Sentret backed off, screeching, the water had hit it’s eyes. The passion of battle rose from Andy as he yelled,
“Sentret, now! Use Fury Swipes!”
And in an emulation of the attack at the tree, Sentret jumped forward and began to slash, charge, tackle, kick, and bite at the small Pokemon like a berserker.
The small Pokemon gave a wail of pain as crimson blood flew into the air. The black haired trainer looked dumbstruck. Then he settled down and pointed forward, screaming
“Azurill, Slam!”
The Pokemon used it’s tail to vault into the air, soaring.
“Scratch!” yelled Andy, and Sentret, too, used it’s tail to jump into the air, bringing a clawed hand downwards.
The two airborne Pokemon seemed about to collide, then, as they were inches apart, Sentret brought it’s hand upward, giving the small blue Pokemon a combination of a vicious slash, and a hard slap-push. The Pokemon separated in the air.
Sentret landed on it’s feet, growling. Azurill landed on it’s backside, giving a gasp of pain.
The kid picked up his fallen Pokemon, and handed Andy the money.
“Whoa, dude, that was gnarly.” he said, walking off, then, turning his head, he said,
“and a little cruel, too.” he laughed, and was off. Andy thought there was something awkward about the battle.
Perhaps it was because Andy was feeling what a winning trainer feels for the first time, and as he returned his Sentret, jumped in the air, screaming in triumph.
“Way to go, little buddy!” screamed Rick, running up to the little stand, patting Andy roughly on the back.
Andy smiled, then walked with Rick.
“Rick, where are we going?”
“Oh.” answered Rick.
“Your Sentret’s a little hurt, dude, let’s go to a center.”
“Huh?” asked Andy.
“You’ll see.” laughed Rick as they walked through the active little town.
They walked up to a tall white building with sliding glass doors. It had a large red roof, and a large symbol of a white cross and a PokeBall. Under the emblem was big bold text that read “PokeCenter.”
They walked in, Andy appreciated the cool air. He looked around to see a mosaic floor, and some glass chairs around a matching table. Some trainers sat with refreshments on a far corner in a booth, laughing.
“This,” began Rick, “Is a Pokemon Center.”
“This is the place where they help out all the trainers for free. In every center there is one room upstairs where there is lodging and bedding, like in a hotel. And a cafeteria. Down here, they heal your Pokemon.”
They walked up to a counter where a pretty young woman in a Nurse suit stood, her long red hair flowing down her shoulders. Beside her stood a pink Pokemon that looked like it held a large egg.
“Well?” asked Andy, looking at Rick.
“This is Nurse Joy.” said Rick. “She can heal your Pokemon for you. Just give you Sentret’s ball.”
Andy looked at the nurse, who waved, and spoke in a loud, clear voice.
“Good morning, welcome to the Navel Rock Pokemon Center, may I help you? Ah, I see.”
She took the premier ball and stuck it in a small hole, that was attached to a board that stood before the computer screen, which lit up, showing a three dimensional image of Sentret’s body.
It spoke in a robotic voice.
“Sentret, the scout Pokemon. About five years old, slightly scratched and scarred. Healing.”
A beeping noise was heard as the machine glowed, then stopped.
“Pokemon, healed.”
The small hole ejected the ball, and the woman handed Andy back his ball.
“Thank you, ma’ am.” said Andy.
***
They walked out of the Center and found, beside it, a small silver building with a blue roof. They walked inside to see an array of Pokemon items, and ended up buying a few pounds of Pokemon food, bowls for the Pokemon, and some different kinds off balls, all Andy got was a great ball, and a small grey ball with a black netted pattern on it, a Net Ball. He still had quite some money with him, and noted to collect more and get some clothes.
They walked back to the house of Bill to rest, and then they would explore the island.
|
_________________
| Chatango wrote: | PlanetDS: I'm not really a fan of dragon-types.
PlanetDS: My favorite type is steel, because of who's in it.
Drakomaster: Metagross? Registeel?
Drakomaster: Bronzong?
PlanetDS: Yeah...
PlanetDS: Magnezone.. |
Last edited by Drakontas on Sat Sep 05, 2009 9:36 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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AABM
Life Aural
Age: 19
Joined: 28 Apr 2008
Posts: 377
Location: Anywhere but here.
18508 Galaxy Coins
0 Warnings
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| Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 1:36 am Post subject: |
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Dude! I was, yet again, gettin' the feeling that I was kinda missing something out... but just when I posted in the villain EC thread I could remember what it was all about... this story.
And believe me, good for me that I rushed here, or else I would had lost something else or some other addition to it! Fortunately, I came here and found that the story's style and fresh-anew look is untouched... as always.
And nao, we've got TWO awesome chapters to read! Cool! The sixth one had that refreshing randomness off that Cptn. Moreno's being around; I know he's a fisher, but still... but hey... not only that... but we also got the seventh chapter right in! Which sports nothing but Andy's very very first battle! How exciting!
Dude, you're awesomely cool for reviving this long-dead inspiration so I could attract the writing bug and bite me! Ouch, I should catch one 'o' these.
Wonder what'll the following addition bring us next?
_________________
~ Figuratively shiny, ain't I right?
· Thanks for the awesome signature, Cebolla.
| Quote: | Platinum FC: 4039-3630-3491 - Lazaro.
Mario Kart FC: 348104-789694 - AABM.
PMD2 Explorers of Darkness FC: 1161-8696-4177 - Equipo Buscadores.
Heart Gold FC: 2965 7786 8397 - Teresa. |
· Victory in Pokémon, metagame-wise, takes 49% Skill and 51% Luck.
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